A big reason for people not succeeding online and even in life in general is that they worry too much what others think and fail to open themselves up because of fear of being ridiculed. But how do you stop worrying about what others think?
Going for what you really want in life, making big changes, stop worrying and changing your perspective can be a challenging task. Not just for you but maybe even the people around you. Though in most cases, relatives should be supportive of their kin, it’s not always the case. Going it alone and start doing what most people won’t will probably bring a lot of followers to you, prosperity and happiness if you stick to it, but it’s inevitable that you will also get negative comments offline and online and probably a small percentage of people that are just not going to like you no matter what you put out there. That is why I wanted to share my thoughts and experience in this post so that it may help shed some light on this matter for you and help you if you are on the brink of taking action in your life.
I want to give you a few tips on how to deal with what I call “The Others” and how to stop worrying about them. It’s the invisible people we imagine are always watching us and ready to critisize us and put us down if we get a great idea for something big in our lives.
We have all heard about that annoying know-it-all uncle at the family dinner that really hasn’t done anything in his life, but still finds it fit to critisize others when he sees that they are actually doing what he was always too scared to do. Don’t worry – there is no grudge built inside this sentence of mine – it’s just a fact that probably countless of people have experienced through the ages counting me and probably the reason so many didn’t go through with their probably good plans. Being called on in front of others “so I hear you are dabbling with some online scam…..isn’t it just a pyramid scheme….” is not comfortable. Word of advice. Kill it instantly. Yes you could go on to explain what you are doing but this person is so predefined in his opinion that no matter what you are going to say it’s just going to come out the wrong way and he will find a way to make you look bad. The best way I know of how to deal with this kind of situation is to try to act indifferent and without interest to the person. Try not to make eye contact with the person and try to put your focus somewhere else. Don’t fuel the situation. People usually hate that and feel like they are being ignored. It’s a little bit like the weapons turn around them if they feel they don’t have the upper hand. I don’t try to be impolite, but if the person is calling you out and trying to ridicule you in front of others, then he isn’t worth your time and interest. Brush him off, change the subject or even just try to pick up a conversation with somebody else. These situation are never exactly the same but usually it’s another person that’s trying to put you in a corner to make him look good. Don’t worry. You could even indulge him to it and respond to him like “Yeah it’s something like that – probably more a pyramid scheme than a scam”. You can be nitty and on target and then just leave it. What he will take (and maybe the rest of the audience) is firstly that you don’t care what he says or what the rest of the people think. Secondly, your family will see that you are involved in something but you don’t want to go into it. This builds curiosity and mystery most often. People hate when they are not in the loop or what you call it – The inner circle. People want to know. If you deprive them of it – guess what – it just grows. If they come to you and express genuine interest in what you are doing then you could go tell them all about your plans and dreams. Like in many areas of our lifes this thing is about trust.
I want to shed some light on another factor of family and friends and I guess it’s related with what I talked about already. Never ever sell or market to them. I have seen so many people do that and frankly it’s just not a good idea. You could maybe make a few bucks but – really – it’s a little bit like begging your mother for money to buy candy. It’s just not right. If you are really worried that your family is missing out on your new opportunity – don’t worry – they will come to you if they see this is something they have to have. But in the meantime I would stay out of it. To be marketed from a friend or a relative is just uncomfortable. I have done business before with friends an relatives but I stopped many years ago because it made me feel uncomfortable. The playing field is not level and there are too many risks for things to go sour. So I avoid it all together. But the thing is that word spreads and if people see that you are in fact succeeding in your plans and not just all talk – then they will come to you. Then you are in the position to provide them an opportunity and not sell to them. That’s a totally different thing. Nobody wants to be sold to. They want to find out things by themselves.
Starting your online business is crucial and you want to surround yourself with people that think like you. Start following people that motivate. Stop following people that really don’t provide any value to you and pull you down. Create a special “Family” Facebook list and put all your relatives and friends that you don’t want to see your business related posts on FB. I know it’s m aybe exciting to show off what you are doing – but you want to show off for the right people – not your family. If your family and friends are very supportive then fine but in my opinion it’s better to have them seperate as there is always something you maybe want just want to post to your business friends and keep them out. Do the same for persons you befriend on Facebook. Put them in a seperate “Business friends” list. Facebook has become one of the biggest marketplaces in the world and that’s why I’m telling you this as it provides the chance to reach so many people so fast. But reaching out to a lot of people can also get you some negative ones along with negative comments that you probably don’t want everybody to see – specially not your family. Even though FB provides some profanity filters you are just better off keeping your family and business seperate. Even though the negative people usually show up rarely it’s better to just be on the safe side. Having segmented FB lists is also a good idea ,because when posting to let’s say your Business Friends list, you already know that all the people on that list are like-minded and have shown interest in business opportunities so you are not “spamming” them or promoting to them. You are doing them a service. These friends are usually in the same groups and follow the same people and probably want the same thing as you. Keep that in mind and you already have a good start to your business.
Ok so far we have covered some tips on how to tackle things starting out because at that point we are vulnerable. Whether our goal is to loose weight, make $1,000 a month online or move to a new country, it’s very important that we stay motivated. It’s easy to want to jump wagon when somebody comes along and says that our plan is stupid. Doubt creeps in our mind and we start to think about if it’s really not a good idea what we are planning. The person could be the most ignorant one in the world but still his words have power. I have had a 9 year old say things to my that hurt me. Was I angry at him? Of course not. But our minds are able to play tricks on us. If we are not aware of our emotions, our responses and the cold hard fact of the situation then it’s easy to presume that the world is trying to get down on you. But it’s not. Most of the time the biggest reasons are envy, ignorance, resentment or just someone that want to be funny on your expense. The first step is to just acknowledge the fact that there are always going to be people like this everywhere in the world and it seems that more success brings more of them. If you have people that don’t like you and comment on everything you do – good. You are doing something right.
I used to fear making YouTube videos of myself. I was always rather shy and actually still am. As a teenager I would rather want to be in front of my computer than going to a dance. I have never been much for the spotlight and I’m certainly not the center of attention in parties. Always rather seclusive and liked being on my own. But after starting my online business I had to admit to myself that I would probably have to overcome my fear of publicity and eventually have to step into at least part of that spotlight. Yes I could learn how to code webpages, to build a product, to write a sales letter and even post a picture of myself online for others to see. But what has been a real challenge for me is to be in front of a camera and talk. Now I was an avid amateur photographer some years ago and still am but I just liked being at the back of it. I used to hate seeing photos of myself because I was not happy with myself. My focus has shifted a little bit more to video the last two years as I like editing videos and the idea of a YouTube channel had always pleased me. But I always told myself that I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t talk in another language (even though my english is ok) for many minutes at at time. Until one day I said “Ok, am I going to go through life and pretending that I’m going to be successful one day if I’m going to be too scared to go on video and talk for a few minutes? Come on Hafsteinn. You have to stop worrying.”
It was hard for me to realize that I had a fear. Fear of watching myself talk on video. What is more I was even more afraid putting it online for others to watch. I was not happy about this fact because in the past I had put some big goals and I had reached them. I knew I was capable of success and deep inside I knew that I could probably jump over this YouTube barrier. I was not happy I was not dealing with this fear. One of the reason I avoid doing YouTube videos is that someone I knew might see them. I live in a rather small country (Iceland) were a lot of people know each other. The population is about 330,000 and it’s not basically a country where one can just disappear. For me the fear was that someone that I knew might see it, make fun of it or use it against me or something. Basically I just painted the darkest picture imaginable to be able to excuse myself from doing it. But avoiding it didn’t remove the feeling of defeat against myself. It was getting quite obvious that my business needed videos and preferably with me in them. It’s all fine and dandy to wanting to become an entrepreneur with your own business, setting goals, to grow and become a better person. But what does that mean? I guess it really means to get out of your comfort zone. So one weekend I sat down and had a conversation with myself. I had two choices. I could continue like this, dabbling with social media and my business, not actually conquering my fears, opening up or really growing – or I could man the F*** up and do this thing. I laid it on the table. What could I loose? I had a hard time answering this. Yes some time. Some dignity? Yes I could get haters. Yes my first video would probably be horrible and I would look like a fool. Probably the first 20 of them. I could have friends or family watch and find it strange. That was about it. But what could I gain if I decided to overcome this huge fear of mine and stop worrying? I had basically everything to win. First of all the fulfilling feeling about having conquered your fear and actually did something that so many other fear doing. I had taken the first step to tap into the second largest we traffic generator in the world after Google. Online business is largely about getting traffic. I could potentially build a huge following of subscribes and customers from this method as videos make it really easy have people decide if they are going to trust you and like you. I would improve my communications skills and my video editing skills and thus further improve my business. I would be able to put out my message faster, more efficiently and potentially experience unlimited growth. It was just a no-brainer. Most successful people online use video and I had to make up my mind to go the same road or just throw in the towel. If I couldn’t do what most people won’t than I had no business being an online marketer.
How did I go from being a complete introvert that used to be too shy to even write a personal Facebook post on my wall to talking in a YouTube video? There is no actual reason. I just started. Sure the first videos sucked but I’m getting better. I have about 30 videos know and the last 5 have been okay in my opinion. Slow growth is the key. Trying to weed out the bad things and slowly improve over time makes perfection. If you are thinking about doing something but your are worried about other people opinions the think about this. Imagine your are 80-90 years old dying – do you think there is a chance you would look back then and have regrets not doing it? If somebody says you shouldn’t do something because they are looking after you – do you think he’s right? Who really knows what is good for your except you? If your dream is to vlog and go out in the public and speak into a camera scares you because you might be thinking about people around you and their reactions – then think of this. They are gone into the crowd probably in minutes and you will never see them again probably. You will be forgotten to them 30 min later. Nobody really cares if someone is talking into a camera. If the would suddenly burst out in laughter in public – everybody would probably rather look at her. People’s reactions to you are usually something that has more to do with them than you. If you are honest in what you are doing and following your path, your goal and have your own good ethics than it’s not your problem how people are going to react to them. It’s your right to not please everyone. I myself love to improve my skills in not pleasing everyone. It’s maybe a little bit difficult to explain but it’s kind of like not having to say all the rights things all the time, to have your own opinions even though they are not mainstream, not having to agree with everything people say, to show emotions in public, to be dorky in public if you want – to just be yourself without constantly thinking what others might be thinking of you. That is a cage. I use to feel very uncomfortable in public but I have put in a lot of work on myself through the years, improved my mentality, how I react to certain situations, am aware of my emotions more and how to react. I also try to see were other people are coming from. What is their agenda. Are they really trying to hurt me or is it just ignorance? It’s such a hard word to having a mask all the time instead of just being yourself. People really appreciate when they see honesty and something real. People don’t like fake. Sometimes we fake things to look better but usually those things don’t last. And it’s a lot of work. Be yourself. Sure some won’t like but I highly think you will have a lot of people absolutely loving you for it.
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